you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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