Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
