We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
