I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
