please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
