my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
