Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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