I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
