im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
