Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
