??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
