i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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