Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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