I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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