after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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