she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's blow job season.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize