Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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