He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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