I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
