this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
