So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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