I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
