Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Drunk is not a location!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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