just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
