I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
