Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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