I faked an abortion last night.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
