Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I look better un-naked...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
