Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she told me i tasted like america
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
