Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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