i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
