Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
