I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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