Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
