Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
