I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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