dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
