why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
