we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize