ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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