Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
