Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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