What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
