god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
