My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
