why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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