Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
