It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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