remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
