hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my being single is dangerous.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
