As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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