Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
