Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
