And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize