I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize