I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need to sanitize my soul.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
