Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
