If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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