How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
