i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
