I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
