u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
wow bdsm is so cute
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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