Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
