I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
