I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize