Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
