Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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