I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
