She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
