just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
