Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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